HOLD DIFFICULT PEOPLE ACCOUNTABLE by Kim Shockley

Wow!  I read through this chapter again before I started writing this blog, only to realize in the months since the original writing how much I have learned about difficult people.  We were right!  But this work is hard!

I mentioned Ed Friedman’s book, A Failure of Nerve, in an earlier blog, about how leaders experience a failure of nerve when they bump up against the emotional baggage of other people.  I just posted a blog on my own site about chronically anxious systems:  http://kimcoach.wordpress.com/.  It might be helpful reading. Leaders can’t lead when they let the bullies, whiners, and controllers rule the day.  So, I’m processing a strategy for how to deal with these folks.

First, identify from whom the difficult behavior is coming, although you probably already know who this is.  It may only be one person who is fearful, controlling, or a bully that infects the whole congregation.  If people won’t help you identify from where this behavior is coming, they are probably afraid of them too!  Try to be the non-anxious presence and reassuring that we must have faithful responses, not fearful ones.

Take another leader or two with you to talk with the difficult person – do not do this on your own!  Pray with them, encourage them to address the particular behavior that is causing distress in the congregation, ask for their help to move the church to a new place by changing their behavior, and if all else fails, politely ask them to consider finding a new church home, then pray with them some more!  Let them know that the choice is theirs – to adapt to a new behavior for the benefit of the congregation or to find a new church home.  You will honor their choice in respectful ways and hope that they will honor yours as well.  Their continuing behavior will reflect their Christian journey.

The Bible shares eighty seven times either God or an angel of God telling people to not be afraid, for God is with us.  I believe this promise!

Questions for consideration:

What would your church look like if there were no difficult people? 

What could you accomplish with God if there were no fearful people?

How are you praying about the difficult people in your congregation?